


There is a Song

by HouseSatis



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: 2015 Xmas The Husbands of River Song, Post-Season/Series 12 AU, Prison thirteen, River Song is Saved, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:54:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28598766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HouseSatis/pseuds/HouseSatis
Summary: The Thirteenth Doctor has been imprisoned for decades, isolated with her thoughts, memories and regrets until one night, River Song comes to save her - but can the Doctor believe this sudden appearence of the woman she loves, but thought dead?
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 13
Kudos: 61





	1. This isn't a dream and I'm breaking you out

During the first few weeks in prison, she tried to understand what was going on. She had been identified as _the fugitive_ by the Judoon, sure, but what did that even mean? Well, she _had_ been running all her life, but surely that was no reason for being arrested? Was she being forced to pay for something Ruth (or herself, or whoever that was) had done? And had the fam arrived safely in the 21st century? Did they think she had abandoned them, or that she was dead? Those were some of the questions that flooded the Doctor’s mind and made her anxious to the point of breathlessness - she did not like being confined, especially not after all that had happened. Where would the Master be now, him and his deadly army that could regenerate endlessly? And was she really the timeless child? Were those memories she saw inside the matrix actually real and her own? Had she truly been used for scientific experiments throughout all of her childhood by the one person who should’ve cared for her? There was just so much going on, she couldn’t cope. Had it all been a lie?

As the weeks dragged by and the Doctor had already asked all the people around everything she possibly could in order to get some new information (of which there wasn’t much), and had been caught by the guards numerous times attempting to escape her cell or talk to prisoners she shouldn’t talk to, well, then she started to feel angry. It wasn’t fair and it did not make sense, and no one would talk to her, not even about her own sentence (or, to be more accurate, all 7,000 of them) - she couldn’t even defend herself! After the first weeks of attempting to extract information through harmless conversation, and as the anger set in, the Doctor decided to try and create a commotion, and see where that led - perhaps she might be sent to speak to a higher authority if she bothered them enough? After a few fights, some stinging cuts and scratches and, finally, one nasty bruise on her cheekbone, she decided to slow down. It had been months by now, and still no progress. She didn’t understand her situation any more than she did when she had arrived there.

The next couple of months were spent in contemplation - physical space was now limited, but her own mind had no boundaries, and her memories were endless, they were the only place where she wasn’t all alone. The Doctor thought about all she’d seen, said and done, about meeting and growing up with and growing apart from the Master, the many faces they’d had, the many fights and challenges they’d been through together. Could he really be speaking the truth? Did he really hate her so fiercely? She wondered where this new incarnation of her oldest friend had come from - before Missy, perhaps. The Doctor thought of her human friends as well - the ones she’d left behind, and the ones who had left her - in the end, they always broke her hearts. Though regeneration had been difficult this time, the Universe had been kind enough to give her three new, amazing friends, but she never forgot her previous companion, the one she had failed so severely - Bill. Her name simply came to the Doctor’s mind sometimes, uninvited, but most welcome, and she reflected upon their adventures together, how special those times had been. The Doctor was glad she had gone with Heather, of course, and found herself a new form of existence in which she could keep traveling through the Universe, but she missed her too, hadn’t had the chance to say how sorry she was, or how much she (he, at the time!) cared for her back then, and how much she still cared now, and longed to see her and know if she was well. 

As time progressed though, even the Doctor’s memories became a source of pain and regret. She’d been alone with her thoughts for far too long, and when you’ve lived for that many thousands of years, you’re bound to regret a thing or two, and to have many losses to grieve over. Soon, those were all the Doctor could see when she closed her eyes - and that was when she stopped sleeping. She went without sleep for days, attempting to exhaust her mind enough to have a dreamless, painless sleep. And then she slept for entire days, only waking up when the nightmares finally kicked in, and the cycle went on. The more she thought of the Master, of Ruth and of Gallifrey, burned to ashes, the more the Doctor went deeper and deeper inside her own mind, grief stricken and alone. All that death, it seemed to seep from within her bones and spread through her every thought like a disease. 

And so the Doctor looked on, out of her barred window and into the endless void dotted with stars and meteors, all of which she had counted numerous times, over and over, trying to make sense of her location. The guards didn’t bother bringing her 3 meals a day anymore, they were always left untouched, and now brought only one, should she ever decide to eat it. Had there been a mirror inside her cell, the Doctor might have noticed how her eyes and cheeks had sunk, how her cheekbones protruded and how her prison jumpsuit, which once had fitted her, now always seemed too big and awkward for her. This was the Doctor utterly alone and without hope.

She marked each day by scratching them on the walls, though she suspected sometimes she missed a few whenever she fell too heavily asleep and wasn’t sure how much time had passed - how ironic, she thought bitterly, that a Time Lord should lose track of time, but then again she wasn’t really one after all, was she? The Master had made sure she knew that. Some days though, she couldn’t get up from the hard, cold bed, not even to mark another lost day on those oppressive rock walls, and only did her best not to lose count - this was one of those days. She had had a nightmare about River this time, one of her worst, and had been woken up by her own screams only to find herself drenched in sweat and painfully aware of the unsteady rhythm of both her hearts. Lately, it felt like she had failed every single one of them, and River Song was no exception. The Doctor had met her on the occasion of her death, had looked her in the eyes as she died, and later on had encountered her again thanks to the many absurdities of time travel. She’d known River for so long, had married her and lost her and found her again, all with the knowledge that she would be (or had been, depending on how you look at it) there to see her die - and never told her. They’d had so long together, and those years on Darillium did give them both a sense of closure and reconciliation, but something still felt wrong, the Doctor still felt a staggering amount of guilt for her death, and also for not being able to save her as a child, leaving her to be brought up as an assassin, away from her family. She even felt guilty that Amy and Rory hadn’t hated her (him, at the time) and left her back then, they should’ve. In a way, it was all her fault and always would be. 

After that terrible night, though, the nightmares seemed to settle for a while - now when she slept, there was only River Song’s voice in her head, saying things she always forgot as soon as she awoke. And so the Doctor slept away, seeking comfort even if it was only a product of her weary and unconscious mind. On this particular night, however, the voice did seem odd - closer, perhaps. At one point, the noise outside her cell became so intense that the Doctor regained consciousness, but strangely the voice didn’t seem to disappear like it usually did, but instead got louder, and though she couldn’t make out the words anymore, she did notice that somehow they seemed to echo through the corridors outside - which, of course, was impossible. It all seemed like the strangest of dreams, until the Doctor realized that the noise outside her cell was the prison’s security alarms and, suddenly, the sound of a weapon being fired right outside her cell.

Now scared by the commotion and still half-awake, the Doctor jumped instinctively from the stone bed and curled up in the furthest corner of her cell, eyes wide and hearts beating frantically. The metal door was soon thrown wide open after a few attempts from the outsider to shoot it down - the Doctor hadn’t heard so much noise in years after all this time in isolation, and it terrified her and overwhelmed her senses to the point of agony. “This _has_ to be another nightmare”, she thought to herself over and over, urging her own struggling mind to wake up, to snap out of this, but it didn’t work.

“Sweetie?” was all the Doctor heard, through the chaos of the alarms and the screaming outside, in that familiar voice she had just been listening to in her own dreams. 

Though it wasn’t real, _couldn’t_ be real, the Time Lord still couldn’t help looking up, only to find her again. Her very own River Song, standing there, all curly locks of hair and sad inquiring eyes, like she couldn’t believe the sight before her.

“ _Please_ , no.” the Doctor begged, “Not _again_ , not this.” she continued, hiding her own face in between her knees, unable to look any longer.

“Doctor, it’s me.” River approached slowly, and though her tone was firm as ever, something about her voice seemed to shake beneath it.

“Please, don’t do this to me. Just wake up, wake up, wake up…” the woman on the floor continued, her body moving back and forth slightly, trying to calm herself.

The Doctor felt the woman lower herself, and the proximity startled her - no one ever came this close and felt this warm in her nightmares. Though confused, she continued to press herself against the wall, staring wide-eyed into this woman’s eyes, the woman she’d been dreaming of for so long. For some reason, she was terrified of being touched by her, and the closer she came, the faster her hearts seemed to beat.

“Doctor, I’m here. I’m _truly_ here.” River spoke and reached out to touch the healing wound on her cheek ever so gently, only to have the Doctor move away.

“No.” the Time Lord responded, struggling to understand. “You’re dead, River. Now let me wake up. Go.” she said, and every word seemed to bring another insurmountable wave of grief - saying it out loud left her with a feeling that was raw, like an open wound.

“Sweetie, I know you’re struggling and I _will_ explain everything to you later but for now you _have_ to trust me. This isn’t a dream and I’m breaking you out, now come with me before security figures out where I am.” River said it firmly and reassuringly, though she was very clearly in a hurry, and the intensity in her eyes expressed a lot of preoccupation. 

Finally, River got up and reached out a hand just as the noise outside intensified and the Judoon voices sounded closer. There was the sound of gunfire and an explosion, but the Doctor couldn’t comprehend any of it anymore as everything slowly began to sound dull and appear blurry, and she felt herself slip out of consciousness again, though she could sense that there was movement all around her. The last thing the Time Lord heard was the sound, that magnificent, maddening and wonderful sound of her TARDIS dematerializing into thin air.


	2. Home

The Doctor slowly regained consciousness to the comforting wobbling and faint pulsating sounds of her own TARDIS, though she had no idea how. Opening her eyes for the first time, she felt both her hearts sink painfully at the sight before her: home. How miraculous this would be if it were true, and how cruel if it was just another dream. She reached out and touched one of the pillars, and just like that the entire console room glowed a golden yellow, where seconds before it had been only barely lit in bluish hues. The TARDIS lit up and pulsated, as if beckoning her, speaking in a language only the two of them understood, and the Doctor’s eyes began welling up with tears that wouldn’t stop coming. She was home. 

That was all the strength she needed, and the woman soon managed to stand up weakly and walk to the console, checking the controls, screens and navigation coordinates, carefully touching and watching everything, willing herself to believe it was real. From behind her, River arrived from her own room and watched the Time Lord look around in disbelief and fiddle with the controls of the ship, and though they had married many lifetimes ago (literally) and in such chaotic circumstances, she couldn’t help but entertain the thought that this person was her wife, though she hadn’t properly met her yet. 

“Believe me now?”

The Doctor turned, surprised. For a moment, she’d thought she had dreamed River up as well, and though she could believe they were really here now, part of her mind still struggled with notions of reality.

“River…” the Doctor sighed, walking towards her with a smile that only made River sadder. 

This incarnation of the Doctor had always felt a bit awkward around physical demonstrations of affection, but after being deprived of any form of touch or care for so many years, she felt her very skin yearn for it. When they finally hugged, River held the woman there for a long time, allowing her to cry into her neck and be comforted by the warmth of her body and the faintly floral scent of her hair. The Doctor had felt she was home when she found herself in the safety of her TARDIS - River felt home when she found her love in the safety of her arms. 

After what felt like a very long time, the Doctor broke their embrace and held River’s face in her own hands, gazing at her in puzzlement.

“How are you even here? This doesn’t make any sense.” but as she said it, the Time Lord felt faint, and her thoughts seemed to scatter - she was still weak, still in her prison jumpsuit and, she suddenly realized, hadn’t eaten for days. 

“Are you alright, sweetie?” River asked, holding onto her. And though the Doctor felt shaky, she still managed to smile at the term of endearment River always used for her - she’d missed that. “That’s my wife, I guess”, she thought with some amusement.

“No, sorry. I think I need to lie down.” she replied, a hand on her right temple, which pulsated uncomfortably.

“What you need is to eat, and a bath! And don’t make me carry you again, because I will.” River said it fondly, wrapping one arm around the woman and placing a kiss on her cheek, which left her flustered. Together, they walked into the main inner corridor of the TARDIS, and thankfully the Doctor still seemed to know where everything was, because she pointed towards a room which turned out to be a kitchen and while River searched the pantry for something other than biscuits (“ _How_ was she even keeping herself _alive_ like this?!” she murmured in bewilderment), she turned towards her own rooms and its bathroom.

To see herself in the mirror for the first time was not a pleasant surprise. She knew the toll those years locked away had taken on her, mentally and emotionally, but she hadn’t realized that time had also harmed her physically - not only the occasional bruises, but the weight she’d lost and the sunkenness of her face, it was like looking at the ghost of her former self, and it was no wonder she felt so weak. The prison jumpsuit was discarded immediately, for fear that the Judoon might track her through it, and the woman sat in her underwear for a while, unable to look at the mirror and trying hard not to start sobbing once again. By the time River arrived, the Doctor was sitting, curled up in the bathtub. 

“Well, there wasn’t much apart from a disturbing amount of custard creams in the pantry, but I think I’ve managed it quite well!” River said, carrying a plate of grilled cheeses and a glass of something thick and green that may have been a smoothie. 

“Thanks, River.” she replied earnestly, leaning on the edge of the bathtub so she could eat without leaving the comfort of the warm water. 

“It’s my pleasure.” River said, fondly as ever, and sat down by the tub to keep her wife company.

“No, _really_. You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this. Ugh, this is amazing!” the Doctor smiled and scrunched up her nose, mouth full.

River Song only laughed and gazed at her in awe. It was obvious, of course, but she couldn’t help thinking it - she was _so_ different, even more than before, on the previous times the Doctor had changed, or at least the incarnations that she had known. Scrawny and wounded and beat up as ever, but still somehow able to be surprised by the simplest of things, and to marvel at them.

“How did you know it was me?” she asked, suddenly.

“TARDIS showed me a hologram when I picked it up, about how you had been captured and by whom. Wasn’t easy getting in there either, it took us a while to figure their security systems out.”

“I can _never_ thank you enough, River. Not ever.” the woman replied gravely.

“Got there a bit late though, didn’t I?” River pondered, couldn’t help feeling guilty about the Doctor’s state. She’d never seen her like that, the way she’d found her in that cell, and the memory of it weighed on her heart and her conscience. 

“You were _perfect_.” was all the Doctor could say, taking her hand and squeezing it firmly. “Thank you.”

For the next few days (though time did pass a bit strangely inside the TARDIS as it drifted through the void, unseen), even though her emotional recovery would still take a very long time, the Doctor began to recover physically, and eventually came to comprehend the impossibility of River being there, and very much alive.

“They salvaged your consciousness from the Matrix?! How was this even done? That’s not possible.” the Doctor insisted, absolutely aghast.

“Maybe it wasn’t by the time we met, but well… In a couple of thousands of years, give or take, it became possible. Technology from the Testimony, I believe. And then it was only a matter of going back in time and salvaging my body from the library right after you left, repair it and connect the two of them!”

“ _Repair_ you? That doesn’t sound right.”

“That was the term they used, anyway. The technology came from the Mire and their battlefield medical kits. One tiny chip, inside my body, fixing me up for what could be forever! I honestly have no idea, but I don’t expect to be dying again anytime soon.” she winked at the Doctor. They’d been in bed all day, telling each other stories, catching up on their confusing timelines.

The Doctor pondered it for a while - she had encountered the Testimony and the Mire in her previous incarnation, and knew what their technology was capable of, but to combine the two and bring someone back to life in such a way? That was strangely impressive, and there was a small adventurous part of her mind that could barely resist running back to the console room and into the heart of this intriguing story, eager to figure it all out. But she still felt malnourished, and was embarrassingly wary and jumpy around loud noises - these days, it didn’t take much to overwhelm her senses and send her into a state of anxiety, but she could feel herself getting better and more confident each day. River being around helped a lot, too. Where would she be now without her River Song? _“When you least expect it, but always when you need it the most - there is a song”_ , the Doctor remembered her own words, all those years ago in Darillium. 

“You’re alive…” the Doctor frowned, tears welling up in her eyes. She reached out and touched the other woman’s face, gently. She couldn’t understand it completely, but it did make sense, though it frightened her to believe something so good. River Song smiled.

“I heard your voice in my head when I was in prison, but I thought it was just another nightmare… That I’d dreamed you up again. But it must’ve been because we’re psychically linked.” she frowned again, pleased to be figuring things out again. Once there was a time when she had travelled throughout the Universe - and once, even outside of it and into another one -, unlocking its secrets. Now, small discoveries and being able to explain what was around her seemed huge, and she couldn’t help marveling at the miracle before her eyes.

“That well may be! In any case, I missed you, sweetie. And I’m happy to be here with you, for as long as you’ll have me.” she smiled, and mimicked the Doctor gesture, touching her wife’s face gently as well, kissing a teardrop that rolled down her cheek.

The Doctor exhaled in relief, like some unspeakably heavy weight had at last unclenched from around her hearts, and when she leaned in to kiss River, she felt weightless. She hadn’t kissed anyone yet in this incarnation, and it felt different - so much softer, so tenderly right. She’d been considering what had changed and, with a start, stopped suddenly as the realization dawned in on her - she was now, of course, a woman. And she had, obviously, forgotten it again.

“Oh River, I’m sorry! I- I didn’t ask…” she said immediately, feeling hot and flustered and awkward.

“I’m sorry?” River replied, quite taken aback by this sudden interruption to something she had been looking forward to.

“I’m a woman…” the Doctor sounded doubtful, unsure about what that might mean for River.

“Yes, you are, sweetie. And a very pretty one, I’d say!” she smiled, fondly.

“You… don’t mind?”

“Oh, not at all! Prefer it, actually. But don’t tell your previous selves.” she winked, making the other woman laugh. 

And though the Doctor still felt slightly insecure, she gathered whatever courage there was left within her and moved closer, until she was on top of the other woman’s lap, and kissed her again. And again, and again, and again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, I'd love some feedback on this! any thoughts? idk if I should continue this.


End file.
